The most powerful conversion statement I latched onto during my week at Guest House was this statement by Earnie Larsen in his book, Stage II Recovery.

“It is not our willingness to do something that makes the difference, it is our willingness to do what it takes.”

In the past I have set goals for myself and sometimes achieved them but would often fall far short. When I read this statement and the following paragraphs in which Earnie outlined the difference between “doing things” and “doing what it takes,” – I realized how weak and wishy-washy my willingness has been in the past.

It’s not that I have not achieved big things in my life – I have. But my follow through of seeing them through beyond every obstacle, uncomfortable feeling or fear has stopped me from the outcome I could have had.

Today at the age of 55 I see the total cost of being willing to commit to something with far greater understanding than ever before. My journey of recovery or simply journey of life continues to open and reveal new vistas of opportunity that I can pursue with greater clarity and enthusiasm and yes a measure of fear and trembling as well.

In the past I could whip up plans to do great things with great gusto but when I encountered an obstacle or two I let myself off the hook with flimsy excuses.

Sometimes it had to do with someone else not coming through in a way I was hoping they would come through or outside circumstances like the weather or money but if I am brutally honest with myself more often than not it was something that “I” needed to do to achieve my goal that “I” wasn’t willing to do.

A limb I needed to step out on that I wasn’t willing to risk.

A person or persons I needed to contact that I wasn’t willing to pick up the phone and call.

A letter I needed to write or a meeting or function I needed to attend that I felt I would be uncomfortable in attending.

In every case I was willing to do “some” of what was needed but I set limits on what those things would be.

A lot of times it had to do with my horror at having someone think ill of me. Saving face became more important than achieving my goal.

Being willing to do “what it takes” is such a huge step from willing to do “some” things.

If I make a goal and am only prepared to do certain things to achieve that goal than the slightest obstacle can stop me short. If instead I am determined to do “whatever it takes” I’m playing a different game with a new set of rules.

It’s not, “Am I willing to put in an hour or two a day to achieve my goal” but am I willing to put in whatever time it takes?

Not how much money I’m willing to shell out but am I willing to pay for what it will take?

Not how many people I am willing to contact but am I willing to talk to as many people as it takes?

It’s all a matter of how much do I want to achieve my goal?

Am I prepared to do “whatever” it takes or am I fooling myself by setting limitations of what I will do?

Will I keep at it when I am tired?

Will I keep on trying and moving forward if people are not cheering me on but rather hissing, booing or walking away?

Will I let discouragement discourage me?

Will I keep plugging away when the odds are against me?

Truthfully I have to say I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have been presented with a new understanding of commitment that puts the responsibility right where it belongs.

On me.

This morning I went to another AA meeting. My second one for this week. I didn’t want to go. But when I was at Guest House I was advised to start going to three AA meetings a week. I went because I knew I have to “do what it takes” to stay in recovery.

I don’t feel comfortable at the meeting yet. I know about five people there from other AA times but I still feel like I’d rather be almost anywhere else. But it doesn’t matter – I’m not going because I feel like going.

I even shared for a minute or two. Not much, nothing profound but I shared. I think that is part of doing what it takes as well.

I have to say that the two meetings I have already gone to this week have been amazing. When I don’t go to meetings I easily convince myself I don’t need them. When I go, the truth hits me like a brick. I need the meetings!

When I listen to the honesty, willingness and openness of others at the meetings I am amazed and humbled.  I see the holes in my own program, the areas for greater growth that I blithely ignore on my own.

When I go to meetings I stop “talking” recovery and start “walking” it.

I plan to use this new maxim of Earnie Larsen’s not only in recovery but in writing and promoting my next book, my job, my relationships, and most of all my walk with God.

“It is not our willingness to do something that makes the difference, it is our willingness to do what it takes.”