Yesterday, I got out of bed after only four or five hours of sleep and went to my AA meeting. I couldn’t stop yawning through the whole thing. I had to use one arm to hold my head up as the dumb thing kept wanting to nod. I didn’t share but I did show up and listen. I tried not to look at the clock too often though I did get more peeks in than was probably necessary.
Still . . . I was proud of myself for getting there.
My plan is to go three times a week.
Today I’m working on the “Willing what it takes to make a living.”
Becoming economically independent is as much a part of full recovery as not taking the first drink. It’s what I was feeling in my stomach but I didn’t expect it to get endorsed so strongly by my After-care counselor, Sister Mary Gene at Guest House.
Of courses it makes sense.
And I have been trying even if not too successful. One of the things I was told that I had working against me was that being a nun for 28 years is not the best indoctrination for doing things to get paid for. Nuns tend to do things for the “love of God” and a “donation.”
I’m not dropping the “love of God” part but I am working on the “get paid” part.
This was the message I was given to work on. Mary Gene wrote it on the board in big fat letters for me.
“WHAT CAN I GET PAID FOR?”
I have a number of things in the fire. My job at ‘The Villas’ – a commission job to help a client sell ‘bike training wheels’, building web sites (none on the docket at the moment), selling the 2000 + books the sisters gave me and writing a new book.
I have been bouncing from one to the other – trying this and that in a spasmodic, panic effort to latch onto something that would pay the bills. It seemed as if I had lots more moments of “fear based” activity than “faith based” ones though I have kept up a running conversation with God and a steady grip on my rosary beads.
One of the more positive things I have been doing is taking a lot of online courses at Lynda.com. The latest one I am working on at present is Google AdWords Essential Training. I have about 30 minutes to finish the course and then I will start on another one that sort of goes with it – Google analytics. I have talked about these courses before but they are really amazing. From knowing absolute zero to being able to start using the ad words with a measure of understanding is quite remarkable.
Basically I am doing this for my “training wheels” client but I see that I can probably use this for many other things as well.
As for my book – I am continuing to pray and discern as to which one to do. I come up with a new idea every fifteen minutes. So very much in the discernment stage still on that. I think I will give myself three days to make a decision and then just go for it. I remember my pastor at home once telling me when I was undecided about which order to join. He said, “Sometimes too much choice is not a good thing.” I think he is right. I could spend a year deciding on what would be the best one and in the meantime I could have a book done. Even if it wasn’t the best!
Same way with this blog. I used to write a post almost every day and they weren’t always the best but I was writing. Lately I have been reading that it’s better to write fewer that are better. What’s your opinion?
